A Healthy Ego: End Self Deprecation, and Love YOUR Photo Session!

Self-deprecation is a handy tool to diffuse tension and add humour. But, in putting down your talents, appearance and personality, could you be permanently blighting your self-esteem and reputation?

We’ve all been there… 

Have you ever replied to a compliment about your outfit with a knee-jerk, negative response? Such as, a quip about looking a bit podgy or an eye-rolling admission of the coffee stain near the hem?

Have you been introduced to a stranger at a party and immediately downplayed your job title; making out that you were either incredibly lucky to have nabbed the position or have no idea what you're doing half the time when, in fact, you worked your butt off to get a promotion and spend several evenings a week working late in order to finish projects to impress your boss? 

In social situations, we often use self-deprecation as a handy tool to defuse tension, seem humble or add humour. 

It shows vulnerability and authenticity, weakens hierarchies, lowers expectations in case of failure, reflects a mirthful disposition, deflects attention for the shy and, when used insincerely, reassures and inflates the ego of the conceited.

I, myself have learned to use it as armour against external criticism; a badge of my modesty and of my identity. After all, your insults won't be half as witty as my own about myself. 

However, during my early twenties – the 'formative adult years' in which I'm supposed to find myself and learn how to do the gas meter reading without calling my Dad – I've started to wonder whether I'm doing some disservice by continuously downplaying everything cool about myself.

A bit of self-ridicule is healthy if you're confident enough to really take it as a joke. It's surely better than blind, pigheaded narcissism. Of that, I am sure we can all agree.  But now, you’re about to have your photo session… and expose all.  Or almost, all, at least.  

And…  it's a big 'but’..or, “my nose is so big, don’t catch my profile!” …  in highlighting our insecurities, putting down our talents, and striving for the laugh instead of congratulation, could we not just be cementing a negative narrative about ourselves? 

At a certain point, if you call yourself 'stupid' enough times, you'll start to believe it and so will other people. 

The dark side of self-deprecation, can come out in your final images… if you’re not careful.  Let’s help each other… to ensure that doesn’t happen.

As children, we're frequently told to treat others as we would like to be treated. 

HMUA : Kat St John

However, with the challenges of puberty, a transmuting identity and society's obsession with critiquing weight, intelligence, success and beliefs, the kindness we show ourselves doesn't usually measure up to that which we'd be quick to show other people.

Unlike the days when we'd blindly accepted our parents' compliments about being the smartest, prettiest and most hard working of children, in our adolescence, our self-worth gradually starts to fluctuate, depending on our most recent successes or failures, compliments or insults.

We begin to find it hard to tread the middle ground between self-promotion and self-deprecation, wanting to seem confident without coming across as an insufferable know-it-all. 

Clinical psychologist, Ros Taylor, explains that for the majority of women: 'We tend to go in the opposite direction and discredit ourselves."

Hair and Make Up Kat St. John

Self-deprecation is a trick British comedian Luisa Omielan uses as a way of showcasing how ridiculous social constructs are – be it regarding weight, failed relationships and thigh gaps – taken not from a place of weakness, but from a place of strength.

'Once you show something up for what it is and have made people laugh in the process, you are then in a position to use humour to dissect and discuss more important and pressing issues that do need attention such as self esteem, mental health, relationships and career goals,' she adds.

But Only In Small Doses

To read further about the Pros and Cons about Self-Deprecation and how it can HELP your Boudoir Session, or HURT it, click HERE.

HMUA: Quincee Camille Artistry

Ms. M

When I first started talking to Ms. M about a boudoir photography session, she was feeling tapped out. She confessed to me that she felt like she had lost some of her allure after being married and having her son. Ms. M shared that she felt like she’d lost a part of herself, and she wanted to see if she still had it.

“It’s all about how you feel on the inside about yourself,” I told her.

I was so excited when she booked her session. She’s exactly the woman who needs a boudoir session. Boudoir photography is all about body positivity, it’s meant to be a gift to yourself more than to anyone else. It should be an uplifting moment where you can rediscover your own inner beauty. Not only that, but it’s a wonderful way to pamper yourself! Ms. M’s husband was 100% on board with her joining me for this empowering experience, which I was so happy to hear. I want to give all the partners out there who encourage their women to take part in body positivity sessions like this one a big round of applause!

Plus-Sized Boudoir Session

I met up with Ms. M at 1020 Studio for her empowering plus-sized boudoir photography session. After some pampering with hair and makeup artist Kelsey Rae Hayes, it was time for us to get to work. Ms. M was absolutely stunning. And what’s more, as the session continued, I could see the confidence in her eyes. I could see how she felt more comfortable in her own skin. She found that allure she’d misplaced and it had been there all along.

I always encourage my clients to bring some items that have personal meaning, so I especially loved the images where she was wearing her husband’s shirt. In each of these images, Ms. M’s inner beauty shines through. Real women have curves, and Ms. M looked amazing at every angle, in all the different outfits she brought.

Probably the best moment of her entire session was actually the day she came to pick up her album. Ms. M said that she felt so much more confidence. I could see it in her face. I am so glad that she has a reminder that she has not lost her allure… it was only tucked away, waiting to be rediscovered.

Ms. R

As a boudoir photographer, it is important to me to showcase all women in beautiful photography sessions. Women come in all shapes and sizes. I wanted a confident woman who broke our social norms. I know there are women out there who want to have a boudoir session but they do not see other women outside of a size 6 showing off their skin. When I met the gorgeous Ms. R… I knew she was perfect.

Body Positive Boudoir Photography | Embrace the Woman You Are

Ms. R is so happy with the skin she is in. I knew she would shine as a body positive model. She is bold inside with a heart of gold. She is beautiful and radiant and her beauty and strength were shown in photo after photo. This boudoir session was more than just taking photos, it was about celebrating her body, her curves, her beauty and who she was.

Every day, embrace the woman you are, love the skin you are in, and truly care for yourself by providing positive, loving words to yourself. We all have aspects of ourselves we want to improve. Maybe it’s your hair. Maybe you don’t like your nose. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better version of you! But every day you should hop out of bed with the intention of caring for yourself.

The key ingredient to being the best version of yourself is to love yourself the way you are now. When you love someone unconditionally, you love them just the way they are. Why are you not loving yourself unconditionally? Think, for a moment, about the conversations that you have with yourself. Would you be friends with someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself? Be gentle with yourself. Choose to speak to yourself kindly. Honor your curves. All bodies are beautiful no matter how big or how small.

Boudoir shoots are so much about trust. You have to be ready to let go of your inhibitions and trust that I am going to see you in the eyes of an artist. As your boudoir photographer, I am going to shed the best light on your body. But with all that said, things do happen. We have wardrobe malfunctions! That’s okay! The best thing to do is laugh it off. You have to realize that whatever bloopers happen during your photo shoot, it has probably happened before.

I believe confidence exudes beauty. Find out what makes you feel like a million buck and do that until you start feeling like a rock star. And, of course, speaking of rock stars, thank you to Ms. R for her fierce, real beauty and for being such an inspiration to curvy girls everywhere.

Ms. S

On July 14th, I met up with the lovely Ms. S at Studio 1020 to capture an empowering boudoir session for this beautiful woman.

Boudoir Photography at Studio 1020

When Ms. S reached out to me to book this session, she shared the following information with me:

"I recently lost about 80-90lbs and have struggled with my weight and my confidence my entire life. Learning to love myself and believe that I am beautiful is still a struggle, but I have gotten better and have gotten more confidence since the weight loss."

Knowing this about Ms. S, when I got the chance to meet her face to face, I was surprised felt this way. Even as a professional photographer, I didn’t see the things she was worried about. I didn't see the extra skin causing her to feel self-conscious, but there is no doubt in my mind she sees it.

We can be so self-sabotaging. Ms. S is so extremely gorgeous. I really wanted her personality and interests to shine during her boudoir session. One of my main goals in every photography session is to help women feel comfortable and beautiful in her own skin. To do so, I got to know Ms. S more. I wanted to find out ways to incorporate who she is in her photoshoot—her hobbies, her likes and the things she enjoys. Once I got to know her… I discovered she’s a little bit country! So, I asked if she would like to have a few photos that had a bit of a country vibe.

It turns out she wore boots on her wedding day! “BRING THOSE!” I quickly insisted.

Those boots added just a touch of country fun to the shoot. They added a vibe that was so true to who Ms. S is. I love when I can find a way to personalize a boudoir shoot to make it unique to my clients! Whether it’s incorporating a favorite pair of shoes, a husband’s favorite shirt or a romantic hand-knit throw, finding a way to personalize a boudoir shoot helps to make clients feel more relaxed in their own skin.

I am sure that you would agree that these photos of Ms. S are truly exquisite. There is beauty in self-love, and I hope these photographs help to bring you to a place where you can continue to feel beautiful. Thank you for letting me share these images today. Special thanks also to Kat St. John for the amazing hair and makeup artistry.

Featured Boudoir Photography Vendors

Studio: Studio 1020

Hair & Make Up Artist: Kat St. John